The Best Way To Save Marriage Embrace Conflict

In many states, all a husband or wife has to do to end the relationship is state to the court that there are “irreconcilable differences” and the court will grant the divorce.  But, in any marriage, there should be irreconcilable differences.  The best way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is inherent in a close partnership between two people.

We often think of divorcing couples as the ones who screamed at each other all of the time.  But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.

It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.

While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who don’t acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.

So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences.  Here are some tips for communication in marriage:

·    Allow enough time for proper communication.  If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble.  Work on building couple’s time back into your life.  For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.

·    Really listen when your partner speaks.  It is amazing how much we tune out our partners.  He or she may be telling you what you need to know.  But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.

·    Find out why your partner is annoyed.  When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on.  Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed them.  Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred.  But you won’t know unless you ask.

·    Get inside his or her world.  As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds.  When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.

·    Stop judging.  Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse’s needs.  But, don’t be quick to judge or criticize.

·    Be honest.  One of the biggest problems for people who don’t like conflict is that they can’t be honest about what they want and need.  When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.

Marriage is hard work.  But, if it is worth it to you to save marriage, you will do the work.  That means more communication, and yes, more conflict.

Saving Your Marriage - What Does The Bible Say About Marriage

If you are wondering what does the Bible say about marriage, it really depends on which book you read.  Obviously the views of the Old Testament are rather stricter than those expressed in the New Testament.  You need to be careful when looking to the Bible for answers. Sure use it as guidance but the contents need to be interpreted in the light of the times those people lived in.  Not all of the information contained in this book is relevant to the issues and crisis that can affect marriages today.



For example, the "What God has joined together let no man separate" teaching is wonderful if you are in a successful marriage and both of you are happy. But I don't believe God would want any woman to stay with an abusive husband or vice versa. And while I believe that marriage is for life, there are always exceptions to the rule.  Unfortunately in our society today, the number of marriages breaking down is on the increase.  This could be for a number of reasons, not least of which is that divorce is more socially acceptable these days. It could also be the fact that people often enter into marriage contracts without putting enough thought into whether the other person is the right match for them.  Just look at any number of celebrities, some of whom appear to believe that a Wedding chapel should be fitted with revolving doors.

It is very easy to walk away when your marriage hits a bad spot and sadly that is the mistake a lot of people make.  But the fact is that every relationship will hit the rocks on occasion.  What is important is what you do to put it back on the happy track. Men and women are so different that it can lead to communication issues. Then you add in life hassles such as worries over children, money, mortgages, jobs etc and it is easy to see why romance may go a little cold.

But before you head for the divorce lawyer, why not invest a little money into some education?

Buy the Magic of Making Up System and see if you can apply these theories to your own situation. So many people will separate from their partner and end up living a life of misery on their own. Or they move onto the next marriage and then the next etc.  If you once loved your partner, you can rekindle this lost love and it really doesn't take a huge effort. In fact it usually takes less time and energy than trying to find someone else to love and learning how to handle their faults.  Better stick to the devil you know and usually love on some level!

So pay less attention to wondering what does the Bible say about marriage and start concentrating on getting those romantic feelings back into your own.  You will be very glad you did.

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