Marriage Conflict - The Result of Poor Planning

If anyone tells you that being married is easy and blissful take note. That person is lying!

All marriages will face a challege from day one. Sorry but I do not want to be a wet blanket but that is a fact.

I know because I have been married for 19 years.

When you just got married it is obvious that both of you are deeply in love and are not capable of thinking rationally. The honeymoon period is like a dream. Your thinking will be clouded by love. Shortly after your marriage and when the honeymoon period is over, reality sets in. That is when marriage conflicts begin.

Suddenly everything begin to change. You and your spouse will be faced with issues that were not talked about or thought about prior to your wedding.

Marriage Problems

Suddenly the marriage involves making decisions and questions that need answers and actions.

The truth is most couples jump the gun. They are not fully ready to shoulder the responsibilities of being married. They get married too soon. They get married too fast.

Be it for love and romance, or for the sake of a baby that's on the way, or two kids just looking for a way to get out of their parents house, improper planning is one of the root causes of marriage conflict.

Marriage is about two people who are in love and decide to become legally bound in matrimony. One of the marriage vow taken is "Till Death Do Us Part".... Even though it is only 5 words, if you look "in depth", planning must be done before taking the plunge. A marriage involves union of two people of different background, behaviour, beliefs etc.

A marriage is like a business. For any business to be successful, it must start with a business plan. It is no exception to a marriage. Marriage involves more than just being deeply in love. You cannot live on love alone. As your marriage progresses, it involves how money is spend, it involves children, it involves jobs and anything else that is important for the future of the marriage. All these issues needs to be addressed. All successful marriage must start with a successful marriage plan.

A marriage plan is flexible and can be change to suit current situation. So if you are already married and are now faced with marriage problems it is never too late to put a plan together. Sit down with your spouse and work out a marriage plan to save your marriage. I cannot emphasize enough that a marriage plan is absolutely conducive to marriage survival.

A wise man once said "Make your plan - and then work it"

Never too shy to seek help from others when faced with marriage conflict. Most of the time marriage counseling can help you identify problems and find a solution that have eluded you and your spouse because of anger, hate and resentment. It will be sad to end a marriage without having a clear understanding what went wrong in the same place.

Save Your Marriage - Conflict-Resolving Skills Matter More Than Compatibility

You may be wondering if divorce is the only option left for you when faced with a struggling marriage. Your marriage is in conflict and there are issues that needs to be resolved with your spouse. Without warning, the marriage is now filled with unhappiness. The loving feelings you once shared with your spouse have disappeared. You begin to wonder if both of you were compatible at all in the first place. Now you begin to wonder if it is necessary to stay married at all.

Here is a challenge..... Take time to think if your happiness in marriage is based solely on weather or not you are compatible with your spouse because compatibility should not be the only deciding factor as whether your marriage will last or not.  Instead, you should understand that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. This one essential skill is missing in so many marriages today and thus we are seeing marriages dissolve at an alarming rate.

Every marriages will definitely go through periods of conflict at some point. Rather than focus so much on finding compatibility with your spouse, you must focus on learning healthy conflict resolution. Do not simply decide to throw in the towel and give up your marriage when faced with a problem. Sometimes, the problem is so small that all is needed is talking things out openly and honestly.

The main point I hope to make clear is that your marriage's success or failure will depend largely on two major things that you CAN have a bit of control over; You can make the choice to learn how to do these two things better:

1. Develop the ability to work through difficulties that you face
2. Develop good communication skills

The next time you are faced with a conflict in your marriage, remember that compatibility is not the factor in making a happy marriage. Focus more on communication and conflict-resolving. You will be suprise that if both you and your spouse work towards developing and refining the above skills, you can save your marriage from divorce.

Too many marriages end up in a divorce. It is time you save your marriage and stop divorce.
Sometimes talking to a third party such as seeking marriage counseling can help. Do not be afraid to seek help from others when you are faced with a troubled marriage. It is a small inconvenience to "pay" compared to having a happy and blissful marriage.

The Best Way To Save Marriage Embrace Conflict

In many states, all a husband or wife has to do to end the relationship is state to the court that there are “irreconcilable differences” and the court will grant the divorce.  But, in any marriage, there should be irreconcilable differences.  The best way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is inherent in a close partnership between two people.

We often think of divorcing couples as the ones who screamed at each other all of the time.  But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.

It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.

While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who don’t acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.

So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences.  Here are some tips for communication in marriage:

·    Allow enough time for proper communication.  If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble.  Work on building couple’s time back into your life.  For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.

·    Really listen when your partner speaks.  It is amazing how much we tune out our partners.  He or she may be telling you what you need to know.  But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.

·    Find out why your partner is annoyed.  When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on.  Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed them.  Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred.  But you won’t know unless you ask.

·    Get inside his or her world.  As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds.  When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.

·    Stop judging.  Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse’s needs.  But, don’t be quick to judge or criticize.

·    Be honest.  One of the biggest problems for people who don’t like conflict is that they can’t be honest about what they want and need.  When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.

Marriage is hard work.  But, if it is worth it to you to save marriage, you will do the work.  That means more communication, and yes, more conflict.

Saving Your Marriage - What Does The Bible Say About Marriage

If you are wondering what does the Bible say about marriage, it really depends on which book you read.  Obviously the views of the Old Testament are rather stricter than those expressed in the New Testament.  You need to be careful when looking to the Bible for answers. Sure use it as guidance but the contents need to be interpreted in the light of the times those people lived in.  Not all of the information contained in this book is relevant to the issues and crisis that can affect marriages today.



For example, the "What God has joined together let no man separate" teaching is wonderful if you are in a successful marriage and both of you are happy. But I don't believe God would want any woman to stay with an abusive husband or vice versa. And while I believe that marriage is for life, there are always exceptions to the rule.  Unfortunately in our society today, the number of marriages breaking down is on the increase.  This could be for a number of reasons, not least of which is that divorce is more socially acceptable these days. It could also be the fact that people often enter into marriage contracts without putting enough thought into whether the other person is the right match for them.  Just look at any number of celebrities, some of whom appear to believe that a Wedding chapel should be fitted with revolving doors.

It is very easy to walk away when your marriage hits a bad spot and sadly that is the mistake a lot of people make.  But the fact is that every relationship will hit the rocks on occasion.  What is important is what you do to put it back on the happy track. Men and women are so different that it can lead to communication issues. Then you add in life hassles such as worries over children, money, mortgages, jobs etc and it is easy to see why romance may go a little cold.

But before you head for the divorce lawyer, why not invest a little money into some education?

Buy the Magic of Making Up System and see if you can apply these theories to your own situation. So many people will separate from their partner and end up living a life of misery on their own. Or they move onto the next marriage and then the next etc.  If you once loved your partner, you can rekindle this lost love and it really doesn't take a huge effort. In fact it usually takes less time and energy than trying to find someone else to love and learning how to handle their faults.  Better stick to the devil you know and usually love on some level!

So pay less attention to wondering what does the Bible say about marriage and start concentrating on getting those romantic feelings back into your own.  You will be very glad you did.

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5 Marriage Conflicts You Must Learn To Resolve

Every marriage has its ups and downs. Disagreements are considered part and parcel of any marriages. The key to a happy marriage is how the marriage conflicts are managed.

Below are a list of 5 common marriage conflicts and what you can do to resolve them.

Unison approach to matters concerning children
When couples have different approaches to parenting their children, it can lead to marriage conflicts. Avoid articulating your disagreement or displeasure on the way your spouse is disciplining the children in front of your kids. It may confuse them especially if they have to choose which parent to believe.

No matter how much you disagree at that point in time, show support to your spouse actions when the kids are around. Later away from the kids, discuss with your spouse and express your disagreement or unhappiness about their decisions. Whatever is it, you must never blame each other. Instead find ways to solve the conflict. Decide what is best for the children and stick to that decision.

Managing Differences
A marriage involves two people from different backgrounds, families, habits, beliefs, experiences, personalities and upbringing coming together to set up a family. It is common that these differences can lead to conflicts and disagreements.
The best thing to resolve conflicts due to differences is to draw up a list of spouse habits that is irritating you and talk to them. Make them know how much those habits are affecting you. Then give them time to adjust or change.

Communicate and have realistic expectations
It is common for married couples to have expectations in the marriage and in their spouse. The problem is the expectations may vary or may be different between each spouse. At times, even after marriage, these expectations remain unspoken.

During courtship, couples find it easy to live in denial. However being married makes problem realistic. Couples must learn to communicate openly and honestly about what is important and what is expected of each other. When they develop realistic expectations, the anger and resentment will be more manageable if what is expected is not achieved.

Difficult in-laws
In-laws are known to be a major factor in most marriage conflicts. Most commonly the wife will be the one who is having problems seeing eye to eye with her in-laws. When this happens, husbands are usually caught in between.

The best way to resolve this conflict is to reduce involvement with parents. It does not mean you love your parents any lesser. However, it is best to use the time to get to know and understand your spouse better. Speak to your spouse if you feel that you do not agree with your in-laws opinions or behavior. Give your spouse time to talk to their parents. Remember that when you speak up for your spouse with your parents, it does not mean you are less filial or you are taking sides. You must decide and do what is best for your marriage and your own family now.

Handle money issues together
Monetary woes can make or break many marriages. When couples handle money issues and problems differently, it can cause conflict. A wife may feel that buying using coupons can help savings while the husband may feel that if you do not need it, why bother to buy at all.

To resolve money conflicts, work out a budget and learn to spend within it. Couples can prevent accumulated debts if they keep track of income and expenditure. It is so common for the wives to leave all money matters to their spouse. This is especially true if she is a homemaker. Both couples need to be responsible when handling money issues.

Marriage conflicts must never be taken lightly. It is important that these conflicts be resolved as soon as possible because if left alone, it can lead to other bigger problems or even divorce.

If you are having conflicts in your marriage right now and you are having difficulty resolving them, do not give up hope. You may be wondering and asking yourself Is the honeymoon over?

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Take action now and click here to stop your Marriage Conflict.

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